I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
