I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
