Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
