guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
