she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
