Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
