someone threw a dead crab at me
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
