I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
