There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
