I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
