First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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