my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i drank out of a bidet.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
