I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
