and my herpes radar will keep us safe
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Oh god it's open bar.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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