I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
