dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
