I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
