We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's never too late to be topless.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
