I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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