Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
