the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
