I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
