he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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