when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
