When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
