I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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