that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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