so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
