You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
