This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
