Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
