I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
