I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
