Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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