I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
