she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
