new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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