So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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