Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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