i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
