Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
