You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
