I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
porn star boner night. come get it.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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