opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
