What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
