just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
