every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
