Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
