Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i think my cat just said my name.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Randomize
