whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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