I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
high people should be assigned attendants
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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