I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You're a waste of cheezeits
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
