It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
