it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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