I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
